Cheater, step off my man! (a column)

Infidelity is one of those dirty little words that can make any woman shudder. If you’re the adulterous and unfaithful doer, then perhaps it’s thrilling, but if you’re on the receiving end, it can be one of the worst and most enraging slaps in the face. Despite how much you trust him, you can’t help but worry and wonder where and with whom your man is when he hasn’t returned your third phone call or what he’s doing that’s more important than answering. The fear and suspicion is what’s maddening though. You can’t be 100 percent certain whether you should just take him at his word or if you should try to decipher any hidden or double meanings.

This leads us simply to be suspicious when he’s doing nothing at all. Take my boyfriend, a very charming, handsome, and funny guy, enough so that he wound up with a Saturday radio show gig. His talk show runs the topical gamut of politics, pop culture, legislation, and his girlfriend, who is a devoted listener (true story). His co-host, a “cougar,” as he jokingly calls her (an older woman on the prowl for younger men, although in his co-host’s case, she’s not the prowler-type), loves bringing me up to the point that it embarrasses him. Her latest prank was hosting a marriage advisor, without his knowledge, to discuss his missing the boat at 31 and being at the halfway point in our own relationship. After two years he has to decide whether we’re in for the long haul or parting ways.

Rescuing him from getting picked on by these two women, a caller we’ll identify as Paulette shares that she’s been happily married for 17 years and thinks he has nothing to worry about at his youthful age of 31. A typical caller response, I think nothing of it—until she tells him that he should dump me. What?! Earlier in the show he mentioned a night I showed up half-an-hour late to dinner (sorry, I was at a graphic novel signing, and you guys already know my obsession with comic books), and thinking I was rude and inconsiderate (which I was, and I apologized), he was ready to go home. Apparently Paulette agreed with him, but to the extent that she said I was disrespectful and he deserved better.

Wow. Dump me over a 30-minute delay and disregard the last year of sharing our lives. Annoyed, I bring this up with him, but he says pay no mind to it—she’s just a caller. So I don’t…that is, until the next morning, when he emails me that Paulette had called him at work at 8 a.m. to say she’s sorry that the women on the show made fun of him, but she’s in support of him and thinks he’s funny. He didn’t know whether to be flattered or scared that she tracked him down.

This woman had guts. First, a caller’s response on a Saturday is no big deal, but to actually go through the trouble of hunting someone down instantly sends a red flag. And happily married? I think not. Not if you’re going to call a talk show host at work to give him support about an inconsequential talk show hour that he’s already forgotten. And that’s when the warning bell goes off—she’s a cougar after my cub (theoretically, my man).

It’s no secret that marriages can become stale and predictable and each partner craves that excitement or chase, but I hadn’t expected a married woman to come on to my man on public radio (and then on his private line). He told me I had nothing to fear, which I do believe, but that still got me thinking, seriously, cheater or wanna-be-one, step off!

Some women who love the game just have to go after the harder target—the taken one. They’ll wiggle their way for a man’s attention just to feed their egos. They don’t care if they ruin happy homes, and surely, their own husbands don’t realize they live in ruined homes. But in defense of the cheaters, it’s said they just can’t stop cheating. Around 70 percent of women initiate divorces because of their dissatisfaction with their current relationships. By then, a good number have already had an adulterous affair. There is even a website promoting a book about female infidelity and understanding why you just have to do it. The support system for the cheater is remarkable.

But I have no tolerance, nor should I. Thankfully, I’m secure enough in my relationship to know Paulette would not lure my boyfriend at all. Cougars just aren’t his type. And aside from my getting suspicious that there are possibilities out there to lead him astray, I accept it as just a fact of life while women continue to walk the earth. I’ll still cringe at the idea of infidelity affecting my happy home, but Paulette’s not going to be the one to do it.