I have always had a problem with Valentine’s Day. No, not because I was dumped on the day, nor am I single or an embittered ex-girlfriend. I have always disliked the expectations surrounding the holiday and how it is so over-rated. This is the day to declare devoted love for your significant other — men shower their women with gifts and “sincere” attention, while women don their sexiest lingerie for a wild and crazy night. So many expectations all for one day and night, never mind the other 364 days of the year. And the commercialism! It’s simply ludicrous how much chocolate is produced, flowers bought, heart-shaped products created, and jewels sold.
Maybe I’m overreacting, except that when channel-surfing this past weekend, I noticed that all the commercials seemed to cater to the holiday. Take, for example, Nivea Smooth Sensations lotion, which asked the viewer, “What’s the difference between Valentine’s Day and Valentine’ night? Smoothness” — and then a happy couple rolls around in bed, with their legs entwined. Yes, because lotion will enhance my time in bed with my man (though I suppose dry skin can be a turn off). Or my favorite, KY brand Intrigue, whose tagline is, “To enhance your most intimate moments…Happy Valentine’s Day.” Can we please cater more to sex, please. And I won’t even get into the movies featured on cable (Serendipity, Bridget Jone’s Diary, Shakespeare in Love) or the emails I’ve been getting (Chronicle Books “Love is in the Air” email publicizing Real Life Romance). Enough already, right? I get the point that I need to buy stuff, need to pamper my body for my man, need to watch other people’s love lives in misery to appreciate my own.
But then, one of two things happened that changed my entire view about the holiday. I happened to fall on that TV series that all women are obsessed with called Sex and the City. And for whatever reason, call it Cupid hitting me with an arrow to stop my grumbling, I stay on the channel and watch a few episodes. I’ve never had any interest in the storyline about four posh, single women taking New York and its men by storm. Boy, am I floored. Yes, there are women having sex, one-night stands, sex, finding love, and did I say sex? But there’s a key difference atypical to just four women trying to find love (and sex)—they’re actually enjoying their singleness at the same time. These are strong, single women who want men but don’t need them. Screw the holiday bonanza that’s happening everywhere else in the world, on TV, online, and in stores—these four fictional characters are going through life as women should, without needing the candy-coated holidays to enjoy the thrills and frills of being a women whom men should appreciate.
But my second reason for a sudden change of heart about holiday’s relevance is my boyfriend. A great guy in general, who is overall very generous, charming, and sweet, yet unfortunately, he has a medical condition I refer to as emotional constipation. In simpler terms, it’s a case of insensitivity. Men—they’re great in some departments, yet lacking in others. He had shared the same sentiments as I about the holiday: it’s over-rated, it’s just a commercial holiday to help everyone make money, and it rubs in single people’s faces that they’re alone. We had agreed to treat it like any other day, have our usual date night out, without any expectations from each other.
Then I hear him on the radio (he hosts a radio show on Boston’s WRKO) telling listeners how I’m making it a big deal and, “isn’t it enough that I’m spending time with her, returning her phone calls, and not running game” (the equivalency of not cheating)? Excuse me? Should I be thankful? Should I be content with knowing that men everywhere might share this same notion that aren’t they doing enough for women by just being with us? I think not. And if this is the holiday where it’s a forced appreciation day, fine, I’m for it. It saddens me that it is so commercialized, but apparently men need a reminder that women should be appreciated. Dote on us, send us flowers, tell us you love us, while we remind ourselves that this is our day to feel special.
Yes, my boyfriend is in trouble, and am I going to milk it for all its worth? Yes. Why? Because I deserve it.
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1 comment:
I love this post! You are amazing. I'm so happy you finally watched Sex and the City. There really is a lot of great stuff hidden between the sex scenes.
I feel the same as you about Valentine's Day... it's commercialized, it's over-rated... and guys should do these Valentine's-specific things every day! But the strange thing is, I was disappointed not to really celebrate it. I think we have it so ingrained in our heads that it's supposed to be a big deal, that when we decide not to make it a big deal, we wonder why we decided that and regret the decision.
And yes, your boyfriend belongs in the doghouse.
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